• Muse's Absolution -- "They thought this would be the rock and roll of the future. Some actually still do, we'll get to them later. It already happened once though, and soon after that MTV wasn't exotic anymore. Meanwhile in Australia, prog tribute bands started wearing black t-shirts w/ Numan-iser zips but went on playing the exact same music!"
• The Darkness' Permission to Land -- "OK, this has gone far enough -- I've heard better Happy Meal-metal bands from Saudi Arabia."
• The A.M.'s self-titled album -- "When a PR invokes Bowie it's painful because I immediately think of Velvet Goldmine, which sucked and was the film I rented to mollify an ex once after a regrettable incident of domestic violence where I attacked her with what I drunkenly thought was a live chicken. I could tell it was a bad film even though I wasn't paying attention, as I was too busy applying ointment to her fresh stumps while she reminded me that real chickens aren't connected to extension cables."
• Travis' 12 Memories -- "The West is trisected into three regions, the temperate Beer Zone, the frigid Spirit Zone and the Mediterranean Wine Zone. Beer is the preferred drink for collectivised industrial workforces under rigid time constraints and its properties of focussing aggression within strictly defined time/space parameters are perfectly appropriate for a modernist project like 'rock' music. This is why the only regions that consistently provide good examples of which are the USA, England, Germany and those sellouts Japan. The other zones face 'unique challenges' like spastics do."
• Ludacris' Chicken & Beer -- "Beer in your cornflakes! Beer foo yung! A joint wrapped in toilet p...NO! NO! Stop! (cue tape rewinding) Do NOT use crapwrap. for joint-rolling. Do not use it for anything except harvesting dingleberries or mopping up 'beef stew' cuz if you shake'n'dance it'll stain your pants! Toilet paper -- you run out of that shit and shit'll start running out of YOU, guaranteed! Especially if chicken and beer are a large part of your diet. Chicken not so much, it's pretty low in fibre (it's the breadcrumbs that cause the pile-ups). Beer in sufficient quantities however causes that 'slamming a rusty dumpster lid'/'jammed-barrel custard gun' action!"
• Evanescence's Anywhere But Home -- "Dave Queen examines some of the key reviewers and their takes on Evanescence's Anywhere But Home. By cross-referencing their reviews of the Evanescence album with their other reviews of various media, Queen has gotten a much clearer picture of the album and its adherents. Stylus is proud to bring you the results of this investigation."
• Nebula's Atomic Ritual -- "Existence is a series of actions, each one negating the preceding. Individuals are not free, however their actions negate the actions of other individuals as well as their own. Because individuals are not free there is no basis for imposing a moral logic on the series of actions comprising an individual existence. On an individual level it is impossible for every set of existential conflicts to be resolved with congruent moral narratives. This is an evil record."

All selections of Dave's are his alone! All links to outside sites, that's under their copyright deal. Anything else, I guess that's copyright me, 2004-whenever.